Monday, January 13, 2020

Grandma's Little Black Book

An African proverb warns that, "When an old man dies, a library burns to the ground."

As family historians, we work furiously to capture our family's stories to mitigate this irrevocable loss. We seek out ways to record our family's lives for posterity.

One of the best ways to do that is through a recorded interview. There's nothing more compelling and dynamic than listening to someone tell you their story in their own words and hearing or seeing them share their past.

I was able to do that with my maternal grandmother. Our telephone interviews were recorded and, following her passing, made into a video with photographs of her life story. They're a fantastic treasure that provide insights into her life experiences including her reminiscences about my ancestors who I never met or knew - several of whom were born in the later 19th century.

But interviews don't work well for everyone.

My paternal grandmother was not a talker and she was definitely not someone who enjoyed reflecting on the past or walking down memory lane.

I remember trying to conduct a phone interview with her and eliciting a series of short answers like, "I don't know" or "I don't remember." Those were among the more wordy responses that were sandwiched between dozens of "yes" and "no" replies. It was like pulling teeth to get anything substantive from her.

Undaunted, I wasn't giving up and decided I would take a different approach to capturing her life's story.

Journaling to capture family history


I bought a small black faux leather-covered journal and mailed it to my grandmother. I wrote an inscription inside encouraging her to write her autobiography.

Would she take the bait?

I was unsure, but it certainly seemed like it was worth a shot after our unsuccessful interview.

During subsequent phone calls, I would often bring up the journal and encourage her to jot down memories and stories. I was hopeful that my persistence and nagging reminders would prompt her to put pen to paper.

But I was never sure if she did, and, eventually, even I forgot about the journal.

It wasn't until four years later, after she had passed away and her children cleaned out her home, that the journal came back to my attention. My father found it tucked away among her possessions. Reading my inscription, it was set aside for me to have.

To my great surprise - and delight that the idea had worked - I discovered that she had written five-and-a-half pages in cursive recalling her early childhood. Sure, fewer than six pages sounds like nothing, but for my tight-lipped granny it was a loquacious gift.


She began with her mother's death just one week after her birth and then her adoption by her maternal grandparents. They raised her on their Colorado farm. Although a woman of few spoken words, she took care to write of her youth so that you could picture her experiences.

For example, remembering one of the farm houses in which they lived, she wrote that it "was a 2 story place with the bathroom outside. A coal stove in the kitchen which did not keep the upstairs warm. You went to bed with a hot water bottle at your feet and a lot of covers to keep warm in the winter."

Many of the details she wrote revealed her guarded perspective on her young farm life, of which I was wholly unaware.

The tactic of mailing a journal afforded her privacy to think about her memories and share - on her own time frame - the history that she was comfortable sharing and in a way that worked for her.

Family historians are nothing if not industrious, determined, and unrelenting. We'll get our work done, one way or another.

Have you had similar success encouraging your family to capture their lives through journaling? What other approaches have helped you record your family's history for posterity?

14 comments:

  1. Thanks for your awesome reminder and suggestions for recording family memories. Like you, I had a very loving grandma but when it came to talking about her childhood she did not want to talk about it - full stop. Then I became obsessed with family history. I begged, cajoled, tried to be cagey but she wasn't having any of it. She finally gave in and gave me 15 min of an interview which I recorded on a cassette. That's all I got but it is one of my treasures. That and the notes I furiously scribbled - both more than 40 years old now!

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    1. Penny, your example highlights an important quality in a good family historian: dogged persistence!

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  2. I gave my grandmother a book, too, but unfortunately she never wrote anything in it. However, when she died, my mother kept the book and wrote memories in it of her own childhood.Therefore, it served its purpose, just not for the generation in which it was intended!

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    1. It's funny how these things work out, not always the way we imagined. What a treasure to have your mom's memories recorded.

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  3. Mike, my tenacious nephew, I don't think I ever knew you sent your Grandma Dyer a journal to record her memories.
    I remember an occasion when I came to interview Grandma and Grandpa Lumpkins. I brought along a voice activated recorder. Grandpa and Grandma were uncomfortable with the recorder being used. I assured them it was in case I missed something during the interview. His matter of fact response was, "write faster". Oh how I wish I h
    ad their recorded voices.

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    1. I understand how technology can be intimidating and make a normal conversation feel like it's weighted with pressure to get it right or not say the wrong thing. It sure would be nice to hear them recall their life stories.

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  4. What a wonderful surprise this must have been for you, Michael. Bravo!

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    1. Given her tight-lipped reluctance to dig into the past, I really was surprised.

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  5. This is a lovely story. Hoping you do the same as your granny. Start writing your OWN story today. I'd read it :D

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    1. I used to be an avid journaler and aspire to get back to it. Easier said than done...

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  6. I have given my parents books to prompt then to write things down but had no success yet despite reminders and leaving then in peace on the subject too. I am so pleased for you that you had some success.

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    1. Thank you, Anne. The recurring reminders are a good thing. They may still surprise you and take advantage of them.

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  7. Beautiful. I bring up old happenings and times with my Mother where we are raised, she usually sends me a note in snail mail from news articles that remind her of her past and gives me a paragraph of how it relates to her upbringing. That has been the most consistent trick as of late I have been using. I do like this idea. In the past it can be cumbersome with the I don't remember. Usually for me, my Aunties or Grandparents would call me and remind "Remember that question you asked me two weeks ago"? Well, I got something for you. Those were the best of callbacks. Great Piece. So glad you did this. What a gesture? That notebook was a pot of gold.

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    1. What do you do with your mom's notes and remembrances, True? Sounds like a great collection to bind together in a scrapbook or bound volume.

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